i am sitting cross-legged on the floor of a train museum

"i have agreed once and for all to submit to my inferiority. and yet i am not stupid. i realize that it may be necessary to think further than i do, and perhaps otherwise. i am waiting only for my brain to change, for its upper drawers to open. in an hour, and perhaps tomorrow, my thinking will have changed, but this present thought exists, i won't let my thoughts be lost."
       - antonin artaud

maybe

do you ever just feel so much
you can't say anything at all

you can't get yourself to roll over
and ask for them to touch you
because you are

and because last time

you want to know that
in some way
you are doing something right
when everything is going wrong
and you know its all going to end anyway
because you can't stop it
and because you can't
change
how you feel so much
that you can't talk


were you too scared to tell him
to put the condom on
did you keep it

do you ever draw hearts on your wrists
to remind your self to stop eating
but forget about it till you watch it wash off
into the dishes

why a heart?

was it easier for you to forgive your father
than yourself

adjustment disorder

sometimes you stand in the middle of the grocery store and just hold the kale tightly because it the only thing you are sure is ok

sparkle, sparkle

i touched myself
in the living room
with the shades open
my back arched
my pretty pink
toe nails point
and i puke
magic stars
for the world
i let the elastic
snap back.

i can come
just by closing my eyes.
i've always had to be
so quiet
maybe i'm a mermaid.

i like to crawl across the bed
makes me feel my
cow and cat
cow and cat.


sparkle, sparkle

it's easier to get cold when you are naked

I woke up at 1:50
everything was so quiet
I held my breath
pulled the curtain
exhaled into the pillow

I want a system of checks and balances
a careful tally, an affidavit of authentiticity


the cards are telling me...

Finding that comfort  may be difficult
Celestial energy a soft focus lens.
No matter how many faults and foibles they will seem to vanish like a morning mist under the romantic emanations from the cosmos.

how it feels when the you. becomes someone else.

here at this goddamn
so we into his bedroom

fumble like a like a clumsy all the wrogn keys and hands surpofulous no threats just fact: fear resembles desire.you belong. you have what I need you are what I need .

right there on that first day we understood each other but did that stop us from making mistakes in the future? in an effort for preservation he gave me all the things he wanted kept safe but all that really meant is all the things I had ever given him had somehow returned back to me only to remove me and all my efforts


1970: Diana Oughton, member of the Weathermen, is killed in a revolutionary bomb factory
1971: Harper's magazine devotes an entire issue to Norman Mailer's Prisoner of Sex
1972: Shirley Chisholm runs for President
1973: Supreme Court legalizes abortion following successful arguments by Sarah Weddington and Marjorie Pitts Hames
1974: Olivia Records is formed. First record is by Meg Christian and Chris Williamson
1975: Valentina Nikolaeva Tereshkova
1976: Barbara Walters signs million-dollar contract with abc
1977: Loose Umbrella Network Association
1978: John Rideout
1979: Margaret Thatcher

thaumaturgist roots cardinal lemon muzzle porte dauphine maxilla vexillology documentary karmic opaque euphony little moon little moon save me mascarpone overture paralipomena ohms stones and sticks candle wicks thick sighs tides east ostracized evenings youth lies pictures of her antinomies eidetic simple soup spoon sundays meanings noticing crepe toothless odor enjambed educible withering mistaken

A love r masculine, so di s appoint ed, c an spe ak and urge expl ana t ion, a love r f eminine c an
s ay nothing: i f she did the result would be shame and angui sh, inwa rd r emor s e for selft r e a che ry. Na tur e would br and such demons t r a t ion as a r ebe l l ion aga ins t he r ins t inc t s ,
and would vindictively r epay it a f t e rwa rd by the thunde rbol t of s e l f - cont empt smi t ing
suddenly in secret. Take the ma t t e r a s you f ind it: a sk no que s t ions ; ut t e r no r emons t r anc e s : it is your best wi sdom. . . . Na tur e , howeve r , as ha s be en int ima t ed, is an excell ent f r i end in such cases; sealing the lips, int e rdi c t ing ut t e r anc e , commanding a pl a c id diss imul a t ion .