maybe

do you ever just feel so much
you can't say anything at all

you can't get yourself to roll over
and ask for them to touch you
because you are

and because last time

you want to know that
in some way
you are doing something right
when everything is going wrong
and you know its all going to end anyway
because you can't stop it
and because you can't
change
how you feel so much
that you can't talk


were you too scared to tell him
to put the condom on
did you keep it

do you ever draw hearts on your wrists
to remind your self to stop eating
but forget about it till you watch it wash off
into the dishes

why a heart?

was it easier for you to forgive your father
than yourself