The sun came out today

there is so much more than how you are feeling

tangible, post­-orgasmic place of zen, bouncy legs, collagen

I ended up squeezing 7 lemons and pulverizing 3 hands of ginger pouring it through the cold brew strainer

unhinged,

               

my jaw, 

            until it dropped to the floor

           

      

No Problem At All

46,000 steps from the west to the east and then back

Fuck the patriarchy

A man who called himself King Daniel stopped me on the street and insisted I take £20 and buy something nice for my mother

Fuck the patriarchy

 the phrase “no problem at all”

Fuck the patriarchy 

Plain scone with jam and clotted cream

Inching

I woke up early

    found the cat curled up beside me, 

        ten years of inching closer

            this is my most mutual love story

but as it goes, 

                    love isn't something I have always been able to speak

                                something I never witnessed unless on TV

                                        

I thought I found it on the top bunk, in the bathroom, in the back seat of the bus

            and yes sure it takes self-love or trust or complete disregard for all of the above

Now here I am teaching the words to how we feel,

            how to express yourself 

                        how to try to mend

                                how to deal

but shit really me

            the fucking queen of goodbye, the cold shoulder, eye roll, never reply 

      love hands down is what it is all about, our actions, the things that we say, 

                                               being there, and shying away

      I find the most important thing you can do is listen, remember, and be truly you

but let me digress 

                         something happened

                                                yet it seems has always been

I noticed it                       

hearing them say my name 

and how all of a sudden

I fucking love holding hands

wanting things to stay the same

while uprooting and completely change

It feels like

things  are never going to plan

but 

I don't want to talk about the mistakes

I do want to talk about what parts that I've missed

try to put together the parts of you I don't get to know

and then there  is

kissing

            the good kind

                              the slow

                                        

the thing that continues to rot all this good

the fear of it ending

even though all things do

and they should

I guess there is always 

that maybe this time

it won't

                     

                                    

Releasing Fear For Fuck Ups

I don't even remember the half of it

                    allegedly

vast swathes of grainy misspeakings

eggs floating, all the yellow covered up

        this sweet little half-life

shhhhhh...  she's thinking

I 

    want 

                undertones

                       

my fingers interlace behind you

the female desire to not listen to myself

metastasize me, honey,

       parallel erosion

I 

    want    

        you

to  understand

it's a mouthful, the clasp broke

            shouldering in her own defense

needless to say

Body Body

you know what 

now that I found it

the curves how they go in and then out it

makes me feel 

like we both should be shouting

we both should be making time 

carving it out 

now

my hand 

even likes holding

the parts I hoped 

yours wouldn't go to

but it's slow

the way everything falls off

a little more

feels good 

too good

like no one should know

The Golden Child: A commentary on work ethic and the working class hero

Dad retired

I took him out for sushi

I don't think he liked it

I insisted on paying since I'm the only one with a job now

I could tell this was very hard for him

Read the Prayer of Peace at Zach's Bar Mitzvah

I was fucking nervous, but had no right

He literally had to speak in Hebrew for like 4 hours

It was something, to be a guest, where I once was the help

Worked a triple shift over Halloween

every part of my body hurt 

As I left the bar my face dripped coffee oils and beer foam

my black turtleneck was covered in garlic butter from the tray of apps

that the lady in a blowup dinosaur's tail whipped off the table and I barely caught mostly with my chest,

I watched the streets fill with 20 somethings and I just wanted to go home.

I am going to buy myself a new set of sheets

blinds that roll up and down instead of being tied together with string

Enrolled in my last three community college classes before student teaching

I started getting the Sunday New York Times delivered straight to my door step

and the idea was I would sit on the couch with my coffee and read the paper

with my fake fireplace and clearance rack candle

    but my shift starts at 8:30 and the paper arrives at 8:00

            so I look through the magazine as I wait for my tips.

We have these ideas on how things are or aren't

    I can convince myself that this is how I want it to be

        I like me, because I am all these things

            I can keep myself up, by continuing to improve

                Here is where I am, today

I can do that as long as I am comparing myself to me

not what I imagine you compare me to.

                        I can not, be that.