Inching

I woke up early

    found the cat curled up beside me, 

        ten years of inching closer

            this is my most mutual love story

but as it goes, 

                    love isn't something I have always been able to speak

                                something I never witnessed unless on TV

                                        

I thought I found it on the top bunk, in the bathroom, in the back seat of the bus

            and yes sure it takes self-love or trust or complete disregard for all of the above

Now here I am teaching the words to how we feel,

            how to express yourself 

                        how to try to mend

                                how to deal

but shit really me

            the fucking queen of goodbye, the cold shoulder, eye roll, never reply 

      love hands down is what it is all about, our actions, the things that we say, 

                                               being there, and shying away

      I find the most important thing you can do is listen, remember, and be truly you

but let me digress 

                         something happened

                                                yet it seems has always been

I noticed it                       

hearing them say my name 

and how all of a sudden

I fucking love holding hands

wanting things to stay the same

while uprooting and completely change

It feels like

things  are never going to plan

but 

I don't want to talk about the mistakes

I do want to talk about what parts that I've missed

try to put together the parts of you I don't get to know

and then there  is

kissing

            the good kind

                              the slow

                                        

the thing that continues to rot all this good

the fear of it ending

even though all things do

and they should

I guess there is always 

that maybe this time

it won't