i am sitting cross-legged on the floor of a train museum

"i have agreed once and for all to submit to my inferiority. and yet i am not stupid. i realize that it may be necessary to think further than i do, and perhaps otherwise. i am waiting only for my brain to change, for its upper drawers to open. in an hour, and perhaps tomorrow, my thinking will have changed, but this present thought exists, i won't let my thoughts be lost."
       - antonin artaud

maybe

do you ever just feel so much
you can't say anything at all

you can't get yourself to roll over
and ask for them to touch you
because you are

and because last time

you want to know that
in some way
you are doing something right
when everything is going wrong
and you know its all going to end anyway
because you can't stop it
and because you can't
change
how you feel so much
that you can't talk


were you too scared to tell him
to put the condom on
did you keep it

do you ever draw hearts on your wrists
to remind your self to stop eating
but forget about it till you watch it wash off
into the dishes

why a heart?

was it easier for you to forgive your father
than yourself

adjustment disorder

sometimes you stand in the middle of the grocery store and just hold the kale tightly because it the only thing you are sure is ok