you know what
now that I found it
the curves how they go in and then out it
makes me feel
like we both should be shouting
we both should be making time
carving it out
now
my hand
even likes holding
the parts I hoped
yours wouldn't go to
but it's slow
the way everything falls off
a little more
feels good
too good
like no one should know
Dad retired
I took him out for sushi
I don't think he liked it
I insisted on paying since I'm the only one with a job now
I could tell this was very hard for him
Read the Prayer of Peace at Zach's Bar Mitzvah
I was fucking nervous, but had no right
He literally had to speak in Hebrew for like 4 hours
It was something, to be a guest, where I once was the help
Worked a triple shift over Halloween
every part of my body hurt
As I left the bar my face dripped coffee oils and beer foam
my black turtleneck was covered in garlic butter from the tray of apps
that the lady in a blowup dinosaur's tail whipped off the table and I barely caught mostly with my chest,
I watched the streets fill with 20 somethings and I just wanted to go home.
I am going to buy myself a new set of sheets
blinds that roll up and down instead of being tied together with string
Enrolled in my last three community college classes before student teaching
I started getting the Sunday New York Times delivered straight to my door step
and the idea was I would sit on the couch with my coffee and read the paper
with my fake fireplace and clearance rack candle
but my shift starts at 8:30 and the paper arrives at 8:00
so I look through the magazine as I wait for my tips.
We have these ideas on how things are or aren't
I can convince myself that this is how I want it to be
I like me, because I am all these things
I can keep myself up, by continuing to improve
Here is where I am, today
I can do that as long as I am comparing myself to me
not what I imagine you compare me to.
I can not, be that.
