Body Body

you know what 

now that I found it

the curves how they go in and then out it

makes me feel 

like we both should be shouting

we both should be making time 

carving it out 

now

my hand 

even likes holding

the parts I hoped 

yours wouldn't go to

but it's slow

the way everything falls off

a little more

feels good 

too good

like no one should know

The Golden Child: A commentary on work ethic and the working class hero

Dad retired

I took him out for sushi

I don't think he liked it

I insisted on paying since I'm the only one with a job now

I could tell this was very hard for him

Read the Prayer of Peace at Zach's Bar Mitzvah

I was fucking nervous, but had no right

He literally had to speak in Hebrew for like 4 hours

It was something, to be a guest, where I once was the help

Worked a triple shift over Halloween

every part of my body hurt 

As I left the bar my face dripped coffee oils and beer foam

my black turtleneck was covered in garlic butter from the tray of apps

that the lady in a blowup dinosaur's tail whipped off the table and I barely caught mostly with my chest,

I watched the streets fill with 20 somethings and I just wanted to go home.

I am going to buy myself a new set of sheets

blinds that roll up and down instead of being tied together with string

Enrolled in my last three community college classes before student teaching

I started getting the Sunday New York Times delivered straight to my door step

and the idea was I would sit on the couch with my coffee and read the paper

with my fake fireplace and clearance rack candle

    but my shift starts at 8:30 and the paper arrives at 8:00

            so I look through the magazine as I wait for my tips.

We have these ideas on how things are or aren't

    I can convince myself that this is how I want it to be

        I like me, because I am all these things

            I can keep myself up, by continuing to improve

                Here is where I am, today

I can do that as long as I am comparing myself to me

not what I imagine you compare me to.

                        I can not, be that.

 

Synthetic Oil

 sober bb on the green line going west

waking up is easy

now it's all the rest

Alternating freezing and thawing temperatures

form long dark scars on the trunks of spruce trees 

A warm front suddenly plummets

the outside contracts more quickly than the inside

causing rapid splitting

Cold, still air carries sound well amplifying the sudden sound of wood cracking

9/29/2020

It doesn't end it starts over

    falling temperatures

        falling apart

            feeling whole

                glutted bb

Orange sky

    moments, ingots, stored buried

Mornings where I feel myself gather

    no time to rewound

        doubt can fuck off

 Deciduous parts fall along the way

    but remember

            these are not words lost.

    

On the boundaries

I FEEL I EXIST ON THE BOUNDARIES

    BUT AM GOOD AT BLENDING 

         THE UNIVERSAL THRUTHS REVEALED 

             THROUGH SEEING MYSELF IN YOUR EXPERIENCES 

                 AND MY FALSEHOOD REVEALED WITH MY CONTRA. 

 HERE WE ARE SOMEWHERE BETWEEN SCIENCE AND ART. KNOWING AND FEELING. 

 I CAN NOT SAVE ANYONE. 

    NOT EVEN MYSELF. 

         THAT PART OF ME IS ALL USED UP. 

ALL I HAVE LEFT IS TO SIT HERE, BESIDE YOU, AND ALLOW YOU TO EXIST AS YOU ARE. MY YOU, ALWAYS SHIFTING FROM THE UNIVERSAL AND THE HONORED. 

 THAT'S THE ARCHITECTURE. THE STRONG BEAMS BETWEEN PUBLIC AND PRIVATE.

 ALWAYS SEEKING BALANCE. 

        

                                 ALWAYS WANTING TO TIP THE SCALES.